those who do not masturbate will suffer a slow demise as their testicles expand to the size of a watermelon, and explode in a torrent of mutated, unused sperm bent on fertilizing the dead.
"19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep."
